“How can this person, whom I trusted with my soul, who knew everything about me, especially my pain, all that I’ve been through, still hurt me? How do I heal from that? How do I trust again?”
I’ve been asked this question so many times in my sessions, and I want to share my thoughts on this.
First, I truly believe that when people hurt us — in whatever ways they do that lead to our pain — it says more about them than about us. As the saying goes, “hurt people, hurt people.” People’s hurtful actions are often reflections of their own unhealed pain and how they handle it. Meanwhile, how we manage our pain says more about who we are than the people who caused it.
Of course, it is deeply painful when we open ourselves to others and still end up being betrayed by the very people we trusted with our stories and vulnerabilities. Yet, it is important to remember that someone knowing our pain doesn’t automatically mean they will never hurt us.
In fact, when we trust people, we inherently give them the power to hurt us. That’s the ironic beauty of trust — we share our most vulnerable parts, believing they will be safe with that person, but there’s really no guarantee.
That kind of power we give to others, however, is unstable and temporary, because their ability to stay consistent in holding space for us and keeping our vulnerabilities safe depends on their own journey, which is always uncertain and beyond our control.
True power lies within us. It’s in having the courage to share our story despite the fear. It’s in the bravery to trust again after all the hurt, scars, and even while certain wounds are still healing. True power lives in the acceptance of ourselves — our past mistakes, painful experiences, and flaws included.
True power is embracing the truth that we are whole — that we always have been — full of love, with or without someone else’s validation.
We heal by continuously trying, and we trust again by believing and living the truth that the power to heal has been within us all along.
The short answer to “how do I heal from this?” is to look closely within when we feel wounded and to ask ourselves:
“Why am I hurt, and what can I do about this hurt?”
instead of
“Why did they hurt me, and how could they do this to me?”
In my experience, choice and accountability are the keys to healing and genuine empowerment.
I can proudly say that I am in healthy, fulfilling relationships — not just in my marriage but in my friendships — because I have made the constant decision to trust myself and my process as I grow and discover new parts of who I am.
And I continue to remind myself to take accountability for my own emotions — good and bad — so that I don’t project them onto others. That way, I can create and maintain a healthy, loving space where my relationships can truly prosper.
