Everybody asks for the secret to a successful, long-lasting relationship because we want to know; we want it for ourselves.
We all want our love to stand the test of time and for our relationships to be fulfilling.
I have watched over a hundred interviews online and read quite a few books and articles about this topic. With my experience of coaching different people from all over the world with many unique dynamics, as well as my own marriage, I have gathered what I find is the perfect recipe for a successful relationship.
First, let’s define what a successful relationship is.
While a successful relationship doesn’t mean a perfect one with no struggles and conflict, it is one where partners are consistently growing with each other by going through the ups and downs of life with the commitment to support and love each other and work on their self-awareness and self-development side by side. In a nutshell, a successful relationship is a space created by two people where they focus on making each other feel safe, seen, understood, accepted, supported, challenged, inspired, happy, free, and fulfilled.
So what are the Four C’s?
The first C stands for Curiosity. It is our desire to learn or know more about something. This is the value that sparks interest and fuels attraction in the earlier stages of a relationship; without this, we wouldn’t even be keen enough to ask questions and have the patience to know more about each other. Curiosity becomes more important as a relationship grows, too, as it helps couples stay playful, create spontaneity, and find ways to spice things up even when comfort and familiarity run deep in the space of togetherness. Being curious helps couples be creative in the problem-solving and repair process of their conflicts.
The second C is for Compassion. Compassion is not just about being able to empathize with someone. It is about having an understanding of what someone is feeling or going through, with the motivation to help that someone in any capacity. This value is piggybacked by other values like kindness, honesty, vulnerability, and trust. When we act kind and feel compassion for someone, especially during life-changing difficult moments, there is a sense of emotional safety created in the relationship, which invites people to share more about themselves, leading to more closeness and intimacy.
The next C is for Communication. This basic value is a deal-breaker for any relationship as it encompasses other essentials like self-awareness, respect, emotional regulation, and accountability. How someone communicates shows their level of emotional availability and maturity. Thus, they need to be self-aware enough and know how to self-regulate, so they can express their feelings, thoughts, and intentions in a clear, respectful, and productive way. Most importantly, communication is not just about what’s being verbally affirmed, but the action that follows it. How do we know someone is accountable through their communication? We observe their ability to follow through on their words with actions. Remember that someone’s actions—the way they listen, respond, and behave—are a form of communication as well. Overall, this value determines the amount of growth a couple can have in their relationship.
The last C is for Commitment. Commitment in relationships is all about dedication and loyalty. This value is simply about choosing each other and embodying what a true partnership is. It is taking care, inspiring, and helping each other to be the best versions of ourselves. This value is the one thing that differentiates relationships that work and those that don’t, as it determines one’s availability, capacity, and willingness to learn all the skills in a relationship that are needed to maintain it. Commitment is what keeps people going on, despite the myriad of struggles couples go through in a lifetime. With commitment comes the sincere belief that your partner and your partnership are worth your time, effort, and all your love.
When all these values are present and reciprocated well in your relationship, you can rest feeling secure and confident that even when life is uncertain and unpredictable, you and your partner can count on each other when it comes to growing together in your relationship.
